Some say…..

the outline of his left nipple is an exact replica of the Nürburgring…… and, that his favorite condiment is WD40! All we know is, hes called the STIG!!

HaH! those 3 boys of top gear fame really crack me up. with the end of the season again leaving random giggles and hilarious cooler talk concocted by three middle aged guys cocking about on what clarkson quite rightly puts as a pokey motor show, sundays sparkling jewel leaves a mundane emptiness till the next season returns in the fall. ive been following the program since the late 90s when it was an entirely different thing all together. ive followed its evolution from what was a motor show to the comedy of disasters in waiting that it has become and oh how i do relish the sundays when it comes on. its the one program that reliably brings the mrs, the 5 year old, me and 350 million other viewers worldwide to sit back and enjoy the hour long ride of horsing around with pretty pretty cars as a backdrop. my 5 year old surprised us recently when he spelt ‘Bugatti’ quite correctly on his chalk board.. right next to what must have been a relatively easy ‘ford’ and ‘nissan’. at least its educational as well. and who doesnt like explosions eh?

make no mistake, its hardly about the cars per say… most of whats presented is beyond the reach of the common man and the less common man as well. a showcase of boyhood fantasies brought to real life as clarkson puts it (or something like that). i readily agree. i frankly wouldnt want to own 95% of whats been featured.. imagine a koenigsegg.. or a Veyron.. or one of the other more exotic super cars that has been featured on top gear.. like the lexus LFA which has got to have the most ridiculous price tag ever. i however wouldnt mind going for a ride in a veyron though.. that would be nice. most of these cars dont fit in the puzzle thats my world. they’re far to outrageous and impractical beyond being just fantasies and eye candy. that doesn’t mean i dont appreciate them for what they are.. i do. its like i wouldnt want to own the mona lisa but i sure do appreciate the art. i am enthusiastic about cars as any red blooded Man, just on a lesser level… i hopefully would like to own a porsche someday. a panamera, the one with four doors that will fit the kids and the dog. or maybe an M5 or a Jag.. cars that have the fantasy built into the shape of something slightly more practical that suits me. …. not edgy, screaming bloody murderously “look at me”!!!  i’ll take a little humble pie with my four wheels thank you very much. but thats just me at this point of my life. a lot of folks ive noticed these days have forsaken the gold rolex for z4s and have found renewed vigor at an age once reserved for quiet evenings and bingo. i’ll find out when i get there.

the current incarnation of top gear puts persona and character to cars.. one wears a car like clothes, this is true. a man on a fundamental while superficial level is only ever judged by appearances. imagine paris hilton without the crude glamor or lady gaga dressed in goodwill. same thing. your car speaks volumes of you. some dont subscribe to this and treat them merely as tools, an automobile thats only ever judged by a price and its warranty. yet, even within this pragmatic approach is a battleground of selection within competitors. and chintzy tends to win out… take Hyundai Sonata for example. if you dont get what i mean, get behind the wheel of one and then get behind the wheel of a more established competitor and the gentle aircraft inflight ‘bing” will go off in your head. now take yourself up a notch and get behind the wheel of an entry level lexus, acura, vw or infinity… ‘bing”. ‘bing’..’bing’!!! okay, take it up another level.. wait, hold on…, thats not quite fair as that takes it up to a different playing field all together… but you do see where im going with this.

never buy the best of the cheapest, only ever buy the cheapest of the best. savvy?

i rather envy the 3 of them.. i imagine many men do. i cant possibly see that called as work. i would love a job like that to death. im so tempted to say “who wouldn’t”, but there must be an anal retentive accountant out there somewhere who loves his gold calculator to death as well.  im constantly reminded that work is not work if you love your work.. but honestly, many of us are caught up in work that we may like or tolerate but not love. those jobs are beyond reach. unattainable. can you forsake 35 years of a career squandered on a whim and a hardened heart full of hope? you might…, dont expect the wife and kids to be around for too long… you’d be lucky if the dog didn’t leave as well. truth be said, some folks have been lucky to jump ship and have  made it… many others drowned horrible deaths by shark or jelly fish… the majority of us stay safe onboard and steer the good ship the best we can toward the sunset of our dreams. the synergy between the three is remarkable and is a delightful riot of quirky humor, personality clashes and school boy tomfoolery. none of which are to be taken too seriously..  especially the over opinionated Clarkson which seems to rub lots of people the wrong way to amusing effect. I get my kicks driving madly around tracks in NFS’s Shift and wild off road fun in Dirt 2… a Logitech G27 or Driving Force GT racing wheel is a mandatory accessory… trust me,  worth every penny. its brilliant!!

its amazing some of the things these three have done, the first if not only the few to have driven to the magnetic north pole. (the north pole special is a must watch!!)

their south american adventure, the vietnam special…. heck james may has even been to the edge of space and for a person nicknamed “captain slow”, is one of the fastest men alive in four wheels having taken the Bugatti Veyron to 260 MPH!!… yes, thats miles per hour, you read right. Captain slow in his finest hour:

not half bad for a slightly overweight middle aged bloke still indulging in some of  what were my favorite vices. its not hard to understand why so many identify with them and the program.

The pokey motor show sure has come a long way. the recent season featured guests such as tom cruise, cameron diaz and jeff goldblum to name a few. i really was hoping tom cruise would jump up on a chair, do a black flip or something…. but no cigar. and jeff goldblum comes off as a hare krishna hippie. celebrities can be downright strange. one of my favorite guests to have appeared on the program must be tom jones.. that mans got character by the bucket!

if you’ve never had the opportunity to watch an episode, take the risk of this not being your cup of darjeeling and give it a chance… one never knows,… you may be the next fan in waiting.



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