The Band Aid Diet.

Life throws us a curve ball every so often, or in my case it seems that im just riding lifes parabolic path to infinity. Everythings hard… and getting a break for just about anything is far and in between.  So it is also with me being overweight, which seems to be my normal state of being. I’m blessed with my mothers hips and my fathers gut… Doesn’t that paint a lovely picture?  Which also saved me typing another thousand words… Yes, yes it did. So negotiating through life’s twists and turns for me, and coping with enjoying it invariably means me getting fat. I blame the beer honestly… the only bit of this whole thing i take blame for. And, coming from a background where rice is the main form of carbs, also partially that. I personally, am otherwise blameless, just a victim of circumstance,… just like the rest of us who don’t post toned six pack abs on Instagram surrounded by 7  kids. Yep.. yep. Poor genetics and apt to give in to temptation. Thats me rolled into a metaphorical hummus loaded, lamb shank shawarma with 16 ounces of Miller Lite to wash clear my conscience. But as things go, as they’re usually wont to do, there comes a breaking point, which is usually the seam of my trousers.. and the occasional jibe by the Mrs, which brings us, gentle reader to the point of all this. The losing of said weight back down to something more reasonable and healthier.

There are many ways to lose weight, mother google will present just about all of them, and if you’re keen on financing Dr so and so’s new summer home, even surgical ways of going about it. Although, that being said, it should not even be on the table much less be the last option going  about losing weight. Options aside, this is my take on it and a very effective one at that when viewed in the proper light and applied with some amount of sense. Oh.., and it also lets you cheat. More on that later. I call it the Band Aid diet. Why? Because it’s like ripping off a band aid. Its quick and reasonably painless. Removing a band aid slowly is not much more painful, just takes agonisingly longer. Yes, I’m for quick fixes as i want to get there, not spend what will feel like forever getting there, which will also slowly erode my resolve to getting anywhere at all. The Band Aid diet is not wholly new, its been around in some form of other. And the good thing about it is just how quick it is to see results and as long as you take the most important aspect of it in hand, just how fail proof it is. Its calorie counting. Yep. Numbers don’t lie. Never have and never will. For me, personally, my number was 800. 800 to a about a maximum of 1000 calories a day.  This will differ from person to person. It will depend on your lifestyle, your height and targeted ideal weight.. if you’re a lumberjack, compete in the Mr Universe or have a cursed penchant for running the Iron Man triathlon, kindly see your health provider and hash out your number. I’m a bonafide stereotypical pencil pusher with two kids, run 3 miles every other day and enjoy a game of badminton on the other days whenever i can. But each activity burns no more than 300-400 calories and when my caloric intake per day is something in the region of 2200 or so and all i need is 1600 to maintain my weight, all that physical activity does is slow my progression to fatness-dom. And dont forget about the weekends where wine and food in total easily surpasses the weekday caloric intake. I’m not going to get too much into the specifics as Google will provide much of whats needed to know about a low calorie count diet. If you’re five eight, lead a reasonably active lifestyle pushing a pencil, healthy with no underlying disorders, 1000 will do right by you. If in doubt, refer to your health care provider.

First thing is first. Starches and high carb simple sugar foods go straight out the window. All of it. Rice, breads, pastas, the works, cut it all out. What we don’t want is glycemic peaks. Next, browse the aisles and note down the calorie value of what’s available and tally it all up. Than sit back on your haunches and be amazed that you could actually eat all day at about 3 hour intervals and have no more than a thousand calories in total.  Greek yogurts with fruit at the bottom usually run about 120 calories a cup. (stick with Greek yogurt as it keeps you full longer. Regular yogurt wont cut it), an average sized pear, apple or banana runs about a 100 calories each. Baked wheat tortilla (roti) approx 50 calories with 2 slices of lean beef deli meat tops out at about 90 calories. black coffee or tea with 3 dates come out to 60 calories. Plain salads with low calorie dressings come to about 80 calories per serving.  Yes, skip the cheese, bacon, croutons etc etc for the purpose of this weight loss exercise. A boiled egg is approx 100 calories.. i could go on and on.  An example of  a weekday for me would be Coffee and boiled egg in the morning = 200 calories, banana at 11am = 100, tortilla with beef + half cup of V8 at 2pm = 150 calories, greek yogurt at 4 = 120 calories,  salad + another yogurt at 7 = 200 and a cup of black tea at 10:30 with a piece of chocolate.. thats right, chocolate = 100 calories. That totals about 800 calories. Use only foods you can calorically quantify. Stagger small portioned low glycemic index meals 3 hours apart. And add calories according to whats required for the day… Going for a game of tennis, have an additional 300 carb calories or what ever thats appropriate a couple of hours before.  Eat what you will burn for the occasion. Exercise is strictly not required for this to work, if you consider a completely sedentary lifestyle and a low calorie count.. but exercise helps maintain muscle tone and keep the metabolism up. Do what you can, when you can and compensate accordingly. Also,.. an endorphin high is no bad thing.

The first couple of days are always hardest, getting used to cutting drastically can be challenging. So take 3 days to cut down gradually and come down to the target calorie count by the 4th day. For The next following 3 days, nothing will change, as it takes about that long to get catabolic. Following that, there will be a daily measurable loss in weight. Going catabolic means losing both fat and muscle.. its unavoidable but can be  minimised through physical activity, some form of exercise regularly throughout the diet process. Now, heres the secret… sustain this and the entire weight loss process slows down due to a reduction of metabolism. You have to cheat. I call it cheating as its your body you’re cheating into not slowing down…. Once or twice a week (once for me mostly, two if given enough incentive), let loose.. within limits. Still stay off carbs as much as possible, stick to alternatives such as lean meats, tofu and vegetable (for me, beer as well, heh heh). But, i don’t strictly count calories. This doesn’t really affect the overall loss in weight as you can’t revert a catabolic state in just one sitting. The next day, just go back to the diet. Repeat until the desired target weight is achieved.

This is not meant to be an alternate lifestyle but theres a lot of this that has that “take home point” that is easily incorporated into a healthy lifestyle to maintain a good weight. The last time i had to do this was five years ago. Took me 45 days to lose 30 pounds. Diet, cheating twice a week and running three miles about twice a week.  (its not so much the miles as the duration.. 30 minutes regardless of miles is more the point). It took me five years to gain it all back…thanks to being strangely oblivious to moving up the notches in my belt… This time, it took me 40 days to drop 20 pounds with every weekend off. Thats 5 weekdays of strict calorie counting, Saturday off, Sunday restricted and back to it on Monday. Ripped the weight right off like a band aid.

This method of low calorie dieting is not for everybody i would suspect, although It will work for anybody… as, in the end, you can’t fight numbers. Calories in and calories consumed is definitive in if weight is lost or not. Simple as that.

Whew,.. that was hard work, its Miller time.




Disclaimer. The strategy and opinions here are purely mine which works for me. Use with some amount of caution and common sense. Discuss with your healthcare provider if this is the right approach for you. I take no liability if whats written here is taken out of context, or used in a manner that is inappropriate for your individual personal use. All other usual disclaimers apply.


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